The Hills have Eyes

t's been over two fucking months since I've been to a theatre to see a movie.... let that sink in first... over TWO fucking months...I'm a movie buff, okay?? This IS a big deal. Shit like this isn't supposed to happen! There was such a deluge of horrible fucking flicks (ie: Ultraviolet & many others) that I couldn't bare even stick my head in a drkened theatre... but now, now I'm back with a fucking vengeance to review a movie that I was half expecting to suck donkey balls, The Hills have Eyes.

So time for a little background info: This Hills have Eyes is actually a remake of the 1977 Wes Craven Hills which was made on a shoe-string, no frills budget back in the day and featured Michael Berryman as one of their head baddies. You might even remember Berryman as mutant biker #3 from Weird Science, aka the school teacher.


The original Hills wasn't actually very good to begin with, though it does hold classic horror status, so my hopes for this one weren'texactly high. I would be proven so completely wrong it's not funny... but that's not the whole story.

So here goes: See IT! I mean that. It's really fucking gory, extremely realistic, unbelievably gritty, and brutally sadistic. Awards should be handed out right this very second to the crew that did the makeup and effects for this flick (which I later found out actually did Narnia and Sin City). It was just insane! So okay, yeah I liked.

Yeah it was good for what it was, but here's where I gotta criticize this flick... the movie, as a whole, simply lacked any form of subtext whatsoever. Now I don't know about you, you may be the kind of person that can just enjoy people getting torn limb from limb and be happy about it, but I'm the kinda guy that needs to know why they're tearing. As the old saying goes, "What's your motivation?" The movie struggles to go deeper than it's inherent subject matter, but never really succeeds. It's simply better served by avoiding any kind of story and getting right down to the nitty gritty of guts.

So take the movie with a grain of salt and if you're in the mood for a bloody thirll ride that was everything that Hostel should have been (AND WASN'T!), then see the Hills Have Eyes. You won't be disappointed.

7/10 Side Recommendations: Dawn of the Dead (2004) & Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)